Cursed Night 

Tonight, I finally decided to let go
My blade is like the Olympics,
I decided to start showing off my medals
Today, I started memorizing the details of her face
Cos I saw the way he held her in their pictures
I wouldn’t be seeing much of her after now
Tonight, my heart, be strong
Prepare for armageddon
Gravity is not a superstition
My heart was held in sculpted still hands
But it fell and shattered when I tried giving it out
She insisted he was only a friend,
But there was a glitter in her smile when she hugged him goodnight
Deep down, every poet just wants to be loved
My eyes are a stained window
Covered with the blood of my dashed hopes
My poetry was never fiction
I always blamed society for my problems
But there was no face to point to
The moment she turned her back on me, forever

Hurts

The day is Saturday, it’s a little past sundown
I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday
And I somehow don’t feel anything yet
It’s all blank
It’s like a new slate
But I don’t want a new slate
I don’t want a new chapter
I miss the old dirty pages
The coloured sheets of our old book
The one with art, made of lines from every love song she ever sang
And every love poem I ever composed for her once beautiful soul

1. My heart is purple. Not purple as in royalty. It’s the shade it should be after severally being beaten black and blue after all the heartbreaks I experienced. I loved her with my shattered pieces, yet she found a way to break them into smaller ones.

2. My smile is crooked. It’s like the direction to my thought process. I used to have a laugh the colour of the skies. Now, I just sound like Satan’s evil step son. My lips no longer twitch in happiness because my only source discovered she still loves her ex boyfriend.

3. Why is it still possible to remember exes? I wish I was a neuropharmacologist or something of the sort so I could manufacture a drug to make everybody forget everyone they’ve ever broken up with. That way, there’s no way she would have remembered him at all, or me, remember her, now.

4. The last time I had a heartbreak, I told myself “never again. I can’t keep going through all this stress”. But I am a stupid stupid stupid person, making the same mistakes over and over again. My eyes are the clouds and I hear a thunderstorm in the distance.

5. I never sleep during the day. But I did today. And somehow, I slept cold and woke up cold. But it had nothing to do with the weather. It was something deeper, or shallower. Depending on how you see it.

6. I was ready to plant daisies at the base of her navel. The last time we saw each other was 3 months ago. She told me goodnight at 8:49pm and I never thought it would be the last. If she died, it would have been more hurtful, but maybe, just maybe I could have comforted myself that at least, at least, she loved me.

6. Sometimes when I’m pissed off, I forget how to count.

6. My next girlfriend would have to be magical. She would literally have to descend from heaven in front of me before I believe she wasn’t sent by my imaginative evil step dad.

6. Heaven used to be a place up in the skies till my lips collided with hers.

7. When we dated, I always wrote about heartbreaks, it’s like I anticipated the future. Conspiracy theories, that’s what I called them. You thought my poems were beautiful; how could I have known? How could I have known I was only giving you ideas?

8. This isn’t a poem. It’s a charade I’ve put up to convince myself I’m grieving, because that’s the least you should do when you lose something beautiful and something you once saw as perfect, right? The first time I saw you, I thought you were ordinary. I know, I lied when I told you I thought you were perfect the first time. But the first time we kissed, the world didn’t stop, time didn’t stand still. Everything just exploded. It was better than I ever imagined. Our lips didn’t just meet, they introduced themselves to each other and shook hands. They fell in love, got horny whilst playing on the couch of our mouths; and they had sex. It was magical. Like a spell cast by Zeddicus Zu’l Zorander. That’s always been my favourite magician.

9. I wish there was a spell I could cast to reverse time back 8 months. I know it’s impossible to change fate, but at least I would know the future. Then, I could avoid meeting you in the first place. I would avoid saying hi. Because what use is there in tasting vanilla ice cream, if you wouldn’t be allowed to finish your cup, or ever take vanilla ice cream ever again?

10.

Control 

Your smile is a loaded armored tank

Your face is a… Fuck it. 

You are imperfect and perfect for me

And metaphors are useless in describing you 

And this is out of my control, but I love you 

And poetry can’t say that enough 

I can’t write out all that I feel

But I swear, I feel. 

I do. 

Medicine

These wrists don’t hurt from me lifting weights
My words were a tragedy from the first pronoun I discovered
My depression made Satan smile on the way to the abyss 
These lines are my medication for a sickness I hope not to from recover
I am hypocritical about my hypocrisy
My Guardian angel fled when he met my demons
These stories are a fable pretold by Dante
The blood on my hands are from the wars fought against this legion
My forearm carries words inscribed by the pain of heartbreak
Life turned sour when my love life became unsavory
The love of my life doesn’t want me like I would want
I stopped believing in the fantasy of religion when salvation didn’t save me
I am a happy spirit buried in the sands of sadness and hurt
Stabbed in the chest by a photo shoot with the enemy
Walking away from the direction of my redemption
Death was never meant to happen quietly.