Musings Of A Drunk Soul, Reflections Of A Sober Mind

The devil doesn’t play fair
That’s a fact I learnt the hard way
Karma was never friendly, or truthful in its dealings
I’m being paid in a coin I never made use of
Why won’t you leave me alone?
You’re the chain that binds me to these emotions I despise
The cord that holds me back to these feelings
Sometimes, I want to pour your thoughts in a wine glass and sip on it slowly as my hand brushes against your lips
Sometimes, I want to never have met you
This is more than a crush, but I still can’t define it
I write these poems in hopes you would jump out of my pages and be closer to me
Cos if you were here, I would massage your back lower than my self esteem
I never keep my own advice of staying off you
All these emotions I pen down on paper would be the death of me
I’ll probably die with an excuse on my tongue
Or with me trying to write a deep poem
Matter of fact, I might not finish the next line
Did you think this was a love poem?
Even I don’t understand my thought process anymore;
My mind is dead, this is rigor mortis
Someday, I would get over you; over this illustriously damned feelings I have failed to constrain within my rib cage
My tongue is well trained to sit still, it’s my hands that can’t keep a secret
I wish I could nail these hands to the edges of stars, just so they’d stop writing about you
You live in my thoughts and dreams, so I see you at night, then I see you at day, then I see you at night
One day, maybe I would meet a genie and get over this pain called love
But not today. Right now, I want to enjoy my hallucinations of happiness
My tears are colorless, there is no hue to paint this pain
You know, if I could, I would auction you off to my fondest memories
If I could, I would paint you in star dust, the colour of white walkers, frame this feelings in a square box and forget it in my closet on purpose
But for right now, can you maybe somehow kind of probably at least love me back, maybe?
Can you please love me back, baby?

X Thoughts

You see, memories are a fake reason to smile at awkward times

Or maybe cry

But they are there, even when you are not

I tried writing a love poem the other day

I tried to talk about how there was no actual event that made the towers of my mind collapse into a white stream of screams and uprooted butterflies

How we actually started out not so much as friends as strangers

About how the first day I said hi at the cafeteria, it was to tell you to excuse me so I could order my food

And we had a fight, and I laughed because the way your face crumpled when you frowned was the funniest thing ever

I tried writing a love poem the other day

And I cringed; my pearl necklace was exchanged for a noose

It occurred to me you’d be leaving me, very soon, whether you admit it or not 

Heartbreaks are what I’ve already gotten used to

And all I would have of you, would be fake reasons to smile

All we would have of each other, would be these not so sweet breathtaking memories

All we would have of each other…

Imperfect Reflections

“Waiting for perfection means waiting forever”
So she settled, and picked the closest one around
And contentment was never one of her virtues, but she learnt
And she was a good learner
And close-to-perfect seemed perfect enough
Until she stared in a mirror
And what she’d been searching for in others
Was buried right under her eye bags
“Waiting for perfection means waiting forever”
Because you shouldn’t really wait to look at your reflection
You should just look.