Once And For All

I remember the time before the depression came
How I always thought people who were depressed were “cool”
And happiness was overrated and not “hip” enough
Till the first day I felt like no longer being alive
And wished I was never born
Then I understood what this really was
It wasn’t just something everybody had
It was what everybody that had had, didn’t want
I don’t get depressed as often these days
I’ve found a coping mechanism, I block out the emotions till they fade out with the weather
It doesn’t always work
Just like today, like now
When the darkness builds up like an erection
When the fire burns behind my chest
I can feel my soul blacken
My mind gets numbed up and nothing seems real anymore
All I want to do is lay on my bed and never have to leave
I wish I never wished for this
Why is it raining on my laps even though my windows are shut?
When can I find a permanent solution to this hell?
Maybe my wrists would give me an answer if I make them bleed enough
Maybe I should let the darkness swallow me forever

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