I don’t feel the ache anymore
My chest no longer feels like it is about to be pulled apart by the pain wedged in the substance of my soul
Like the hell lodged in the firmaments of my lungs is about to burst
I frankly never have the time these days to be sad, and that is kind of sad
I’m too busy putting up a front, faking smiles and trying to pass my exams
Last night, an event occurred that should have triggered a bout of cyclothymia
But I was too tired. I tried to think about it; to, like old times, let the darkness surge from the wells buried in the closet of my belly up to the back of my chest and pervade my core
But I slept off; and when I was awake, it was already 7am and I had to prepare for my 8am lecture
I haven’t been depressed in months; I haven’t been happy either
It has just been weeks and weeks of me passing through a loop of just passing through the day
Of just surviving
And maybe, just maybe that is all I need to do
Just survive
Maybe if I make it to tomorrow, I might have enough time to be sad then
Or to be happy

2 thoughts on “FULL SCHEDULE

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