Paternity

I used to be scared of everyone else
I’d hide my fears behind poetry
These days, I’ve learnt to hide behind my fears
And to be the anonymous warrior in the barns
Afraid of coming out. Too scared to let anyone help
The world is an ocean
How do you keep from drowning?
Some days, I pretend to be someone else
And get scared I’d forget who I am
But you see, I’m nobody
So what risk is there in losing anything?
Maybe Jesus was black
Maybe God has dreads
Maybe reality isn’t everything they’ve told us it is
I’m scared one day I wouldn’t wake up
I wake up some days wanting to be everything but me
Uncertainty is sometimes better than knowledge
So I thrive in my ignorance
Unashamed of not knowing
Cos even though I’m in the dark
That is what my skin tone is
I was taught to see a girl as nothing but a tunnel
A route for my oversized train load to wreck
A drawing board, with a two colour restriction
Black and blue
So those are the only shades I know how to paint her
Some days I want to apologize for all my havoc
But men never show emotions
I’m not an extra large terrorising predator
I live in a jungle
But we’re all scared preys here
I’m just more scared of everybody else

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